More to Mark the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II: A Ride Down Memory Bridle Path

Ah, memories.... sigh...

Those were the days. President Reagan and Queen Elizabeth. Heads of state should know how to sit a horse.

To Queen Elizabeth II on 60 Years of Wearing the Crown: Happy Jubilee!

To QE2 as she ushers in her Diamond Jubilee weekend celebration: Happy Jubilee, Ma'am! And many more years of benevolent rule to come! I hope you get to play with more toys at the party.

H/T to our intrepid Minicapt for sending the pic. And for serving to remind me... I met her once. Oh, yes I did. Hmmmm....

However, we did not go shooting...

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles," Episode Four: Wheels-Up From Panama City

Mossy continues the tale...

Between message traffic and e-tickets, the Internet was burning up between my cottage in Florida and the domiciles of my core team members. There was not much information coming from the home office and even less from the contractor my company was replacing. It was nothing personal; when a new contractor moves in, the grunts on the ground have little to worry about because the new contractor invariably makes them a job offer. On the other hand, the management (who are also contract employees) are usually too busy scrambling to find new jobs to pay any attention to incoming e-mails from the incoming management.

That’s just the way things are. Time was running out and, ready or not, the curtain on our act was going up. I needed to scramble in order to be there when it happened.

Sending the Cops to Swoop in On Nonexistent Crime Scenes: "SWATing" Conservatives

The spate of fake 911 calls against conservative commentators continues. I guess you could call it an outgrowth of the old "suicide by cop" method, in which hapless police officers are maneuvered into pulling the trigger on a desperado who doesn't care how many nightmares he spawns. In the new version, known as "SWATing," nefarious perps call in special weapons and tactics teams on non-existent murder scenes. It's beyond ugly. The victims have been conservative bloggers and pundits. My BFF Concrete Bob has a good rundown, here, on this vile new practice.

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles," Episode Three: Assembling the Team

The Old Mossback continues the tale of his contract in Bum Duck . Take it away, Mossy...

I was very busy during the remaining time I had in Florida. Although the home office had yet to provide me with names of people they had recruited for the Bum Duck contract, I was busy assembling my own team (I suspect that was what the home office was counting on). Within hours after going online, I had assembled my core group; they were available, qualified, dead broke, and in need of a job.

1) Uncle Bob: A former Texas law dog who worked with me in Kuwait. If it was a machine, he could run it and (more important) if it was broken, he could fix it.

2) Dizzy: Proud as a peacock Hispanic woman, wore her jeans so tight that if she had a nickel in her back pocket, I could tell whether it was heads or tails. I knew her from the Bosnia and Pakistan days. Just coming off divorce #3 (or was it #4?), she was available for employment.

3) Rick the Rat: Jack-of-all-trades who knew how to wheel and deal or procure and steal. Another guy from the days we were in Kuwait. He also would like to have my job, nothing personal, just business as he would say.

Uniform Encounters: A Pup and His Pals

All together, now: Awwwww.....

U.S. Army Pfc. Chris Kunze, right, relaxes with his military working dog in 

Khoni Ghar in Afghanistan's Khost province. Kunze, a cannon crewmember, 

is assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 377th Parachute Field Artillery Regiment. 

U.S. Army photo by Spc. Kimberly Trumbull

In Which I Become a Cover Girl for GX Magazine: The Threat at Home

Who and what are the biggest dangers to homeland security?

I'm not the model; I'm the writer!

Funny you should ask. I've addressed those questions in the current issue of The Guard Experience, otherwise known as GX magazine. 

The lead-in goes like this:

The mission to prevent terrorism on U.S. soil starts with al-Qaeda but it doesn't end there. Homegrown terrorists, hostile nations and lone radicals present perils, too.

Ask homeland security experts about the dangers, and you'll get a range of answers. But one thing is clear: The hunt can never stop.

The current issue is online now. Get it while it's hot.

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles:" The Story Continues

When last we saw the Old Mossback, he had just completed his lunch on the company dime at the T.G.I.F. Now, he continues the tale. Take it away, Mossy...

After we returned to the home office, Mr. Big and I exchanged a few more pleasantries, and I departed to check into the motel room my employer had thoughtfully provided. It was the same motel featured on the T.V. show COPS only a week earlier. The task ahead of me was daunting, and after checking in with the front desk and receiving a room key (with a tire attached to it, so I wouldn’t “accidentally” forget to return it when I checked out), I opened up my trusty laptop, opened the “Personnel” folder, then made a beeline for personnel listed under code "D." These were the people I knew from previous overseas contracts who, over the years, had been sent home early for various reasons. Some of the people sent home had gotten a very raw deal, but the bottom line was that they would probably be available, and at a discount price.

On Memorial Day: A New Tradition is Launched

On Memorial Day, The Gang of Reprobates convened to pay our respects to those who lost their lives in service to our country. First, we visited a war memorial. Then we proceeded to our favorite waterfront hangout for a brief respite from the overwhelming heat. Finally, we conducted our own ceremony atop the footbridge spanning the Occoquan River in Occoquan, Virginia. 

We each wrote messages to our war dead on a trio of oversized fire lanterns. Then, while Lisa and I sang Amazing Grace, Courtney and Olga unfurled and fanned out each lantern. Chad and Nick set the bases afire. As each lantern filled with hot air, we launched it over the river and into the blue beyond. It was really lovely. Thank you, Nick and Courtney, for thinking of this. We're going to do it every year.

Preparing the lantern

I hope the video works...

After the jump:

Old Mossback's Security Contract Confessional: The Bum Duck Chronicles, Episode One

Our Man in Africa

I have another dispatch from The Old Mossback! Make that, a series of dispatches. Our Man in Africa has sent a cautionary elucidational tale on the working of an overseas security contract. 'Tis both entertaining and insightful. Herewith, Episode One of The Bum Duck Chronicles. Take it away, Mossy... 

Dear Susan,

 We can all remember when we were in the military and heard the line, "Well, we know you can take orders, but can you give them?" After you’ve worked several years doing spear-carrier contracts overseas,  sooner or later the phone will ring and you’ll be offered a contract with a different title, such as Team Leader, Site Manager, or Senior Security Officer. The titles may be different, but it boils down to a recruiter saying, “We think you’ll make a good boss for the site we just got a contract for.” While you’re listening to the pitch over the phone, your mind is telling you, “Of course you can do a better job than that last jerk you worked for,” and you decide to accept the offer. Since I presently hold a title, and since I am presently working at a site, and since I hope to remain employed in the future, I will continue the story in a hypothetical and fictional format.

A few months ago, while I was between contracts (a contractor is never “unemployed,” merely “between contracts”) I was back in my cottage in Florida, idly tossing darts at the picture of Captain Holly Graf I stuck to my dart board. The phone rang and my (previous) employer called and (long story short) told me if I could deploy soon, I could have a leadership position at the new contract located in Bum Duck. If I did take the job, they would send me an e-ticket for a flight to the home office the following day for the in-country briefing. On the one hand, I was flattered that I was offered the job; but on the other, I was thinking, “There must be a reason nobody else has taken this one.” Still, it was a job, and I was getting bored.

On Memorial Day: Remembering Those Who Gave Their Lives for Our Beautiful Country

It's a beautiful country, and worth fighting for. Just ask those who died for her. Thank them in  your prayers, and remember them always.

H/T Tricia Canterbury for finding the pic.

Old Mossback Reveals More From "The Real World" of Private Contracting

Our Man in Africa, AKA the Old Mossback, sent me a vid and some real-world insider chat common to contractors. It is most enlightening. First, watch The Mercenary Song. Then cut to the commentary. It's the straight skinny... ummm, the skinned cat.... or, something....

Dear Susan,

Now that you've seen and heard this video, here is what you will hear in the real world of private contractors.

Did Obama and the Pentagon Really Confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day?

This just in from Pentagon. Really. From Pentagon.

Obama: Remember Veterans Past, Present on Memorial Day

Excuse me while I step outside to scream on the deck for a minute.

Okay. I'm back.

Dear President Obama and Pentagon: I remain available for hire as a consultant. I am a woman-owned, veteran-owned entity, and you will accumulate Federal brownie points for hiring me. I write, edit, advise, and can spot an error at 50 yards. And I can save you from additional literary self-humiliation.

Which Came First? The Chickens or the.... Terrorizing? A New "Coexist"

In the spirit of bowing and capitulating to hostile foreign powers -- make that, in the spirit of making fun of such scalliwaggery -- our own Minicapt sends an artistic dispatch. My only response is....  yes, indeed. This captures it quite nicely.

Another Day, Another Presidential "No, He Didn't" Bow to Foreign Powers

And now, he did not bow to China. He just capitulated. Again. When is the election?

Milspotters' Challenge, Solved: Anatomy Of a Search and Rescue Training Op

While Bill and Nick are analyzing whether the star of the previous Challenge is properly using her rescue mirror,  I thought I'd clarify the answer. The mystery photo depicts Air Force personnel during a training exercise for Combat Search and Rescue. Our active duty models are Capt. Yuriza Castillo-Aguirre and Staff Sgt. Kyle Bone, who are assigned to the 960th Airborne Air Control Squadron. Staff Sgt. Eric Harris caught them in action last week at the Air Force Weapons School near Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada. Herewith the play by play.

Aircrew down! Aircrew down! First step: Move to a concealed location.

Milspotters' Challenge: Ordering Pizza From Aerial Delivery Crew?

Any thoughts, Dear Ones?

Air Force photo by Staff Sergeant Eric Harris.

Why I Love the People at Semper Fi Fund: A Truck for Sergeant Peck, Wounded in Afghanistan

I love the people at the Semper Fi Fund. Here's why.

On Christmas Eve 2010, our small band of Reprobates descended upon Walter Reed to deliver laptops to wounded warriors. There, we encountered a young Marine named John Peck, who lost a portion of all four limbs to an IED in Afghanistan. All of us - Courtney, Chad, Concrete Bob, and myself - were deeply moved by this young man. As the months progressed, we occasionally ran into Peck. Each time we saw him, he had a slightly bigger smile on his face, and a slightly brighter twinkle to his eye. Not long ago, Courtney encountered him at Bethesda, and said he seemed full of spunk.

And now... just look at him. Thanks to the wonderful folks at the Semper Fi Fund, Sergeant John Peck now is back behind the wheel of his own vehicle. And what a ride it is. Click on over to Semper Fi's place, and check out the gorgeous red pick-em-up truck they tricked out and gave to Sergeant Peck. Totally oorah of them. Totally. H/T to my amazing friend, Semper Fi-an Carrie Costantini, for sending me the update!


Update: Read more about this, and see some very cool pics, at the VA Mortgage Center's YouServed!

North Carolina Teacher Tells Student He Could Be Arrested for Talking Smack About Obama

No, really. She did. It's okay to dis President Bush, though, because "he was a $hitty president." A student recorded the exchange, and posted a vid. It starts with a few minutes of kids giggling and muffled voices, but soon someone asks about Obama being a school bully. The convo takes off. Within seconds, the teacher shrieks at her charges to STOP! STOP! It goes downhill from there. At one point, the teacher says you can go to jail for speaking ill of Obama. How much do you want to bet the teacher goes unchallenged by the school district, but the student gets in trouble for bringing a cell phone to class.

Richmond, VA Does it Right: Thank You for Welcoming Home Our Veterans

And thank you, Concrete Bob, for your yeoman's work on this most worthy event. Welcome home, vets! Thank you all for your service to our country!

Old Mossback's Lessons Learned From The Train Wreck of All Security Contracts: "No One Cares How Many Snakes You Ate at Ft. Bragg"

Official Contract Patch

Our Man at the Equator, AKA the Old Mossback, continues his tutorial on how to be an overseas security contractor. Take it away, Mossy...

The Train Wreck of All Security Contracts

All of us in the overseas security contract game tell stories of contracts, managers, and that #&^%amp;?*&! office back in the states, usually while watching Mall Cops on the cable TV (when it is working). I submit that the DynCorp Qatar contract (I was there in 1998) was the Perfect Storm when it comes to fouled up contracts and management.

As with all good stories, I came away with a series of Lessons Learned that I live by to this very day:

1. If offered a flat salary contract, do not sign that contract unless:

a) You don’t plan on having a life other than work;

b) The salary is so good that you won’t mind not having a life other than work;

c) Since you don’t have a life other than work, you don’t care how many additional hours per day / week / month / year you work, BUT

Minicapt Has Another Non-Birthday! Time For an Equine Themed Milspotters' Challenge

Well, gracious me! It's already Minicapt's honorary non-birthday again! Time for another Challenge in his name! As per last year, your only hint is that this post is dedicated to the non-birthday boy. But you know what to do... after you're done admiring the picture, of course. 

Horse cavalry in Vienam? Nah.... the foliage is all wrong.

Concrete Bob Wants YOU to Attend His Welcome Home Parade for Iraq/Afghanistan Vets!

This just in from my BFF Concrete Bob:

I realize we still have troops downrange, and they are likely to stay awhile yet, but its time to do this thing. We tried a few years back, couldn't get anything going. Hard to get funding sometimes. But this time, with the help of the Welcome Home Foundation, the Richmond Times Dispatch, and hundreds of volunteers, the parade is going to happen and we are going to pawwwwtay.

What is Bob talking about? Why, a welcome home parade, of course! If you live within striking distance of Richmond, Virginia, be sure to put this event on your calendar for tomorrow. You know it will be a good show - Bob had a hand in planning it! More on the event here, at Bob's place.

Milspotters' Challenge: What Is This Huey Doing; Where; and When?

My good buddy David Marron wants to know if my sharp eyed readers can solve this one. Hint: It might not entirely be what you think it is. Extra points if you can give the date this pic was taken.

It's Never Too Late to Give Honor Where Due: Sp4 Leslie Sabo to Receive MOH From Vietnam

Leslie Sabo in Vietnam

If only he were here to feel the ribbon being placed around his neck. Specialst 4th Class Sabo lost his life during the action on 10 May, 1970, in Cambodia.

God bless you, Specialist Sabo. Your spirit will doubtless be there today at the White House ceremony.

From the Army's write-up:

"Members of B. Co. were ambushed by a large enemy force. While conducting a reconnaissance patrol, 22-year-old Sabo, charged an enemy position, killing several enemy soldiers. Immediately thereafter, he assaulted an enemy flanking force, successfully drawing their fire away from friendly soldiers and ultimately forcing the enemy to retreat.

"When a grenade landed nearby a wounded comrade, Sabo picked up the grenade threw it away while shielding his buddy with his own body, thus absorbing the brunt of the blast and saving the man's life."

The rest of the story, and more pics, are here.

In Which MDR Reports On a Chat With Major General John Toolan, USMC, Re Afghanistan

“We’re all going to be in harm’s way in a couple of months," Toolan 

said pre-deployment; "and this, in reality, is what it’s like there.” 

He stood up and showed his men how it was done during 

combat fitness testing at Camp Lejeune.

Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Bryan Nygaard

A short while ago, the folks at Pentagon set up a roundtable blogger chat with Marine Corps Maj. Gen. John A. Toolan Jr. The general, pictured here before his deployment to Afghanistan, recently completed a year-long tour in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. He commanded both the Regional Command (Southwest) and II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward). Our intrepid MDR sat in on the roundtable on assignment for this blog. Herewith his AAR.

Take it away, EmmDee...

I missed the opening niceties. Someone from some mass rag pitched the first meatball down the middle of Gen Toolan's swing, and wanted to know about the UK's involvement. Gen. Toolan's reply was usual boilerplate about Provincial Reconstruction. And thus began the Kabuki. 

According to MajGen Toolan, our allies in UAE have been training hard to stand up "nascent" SOF units. While the General didn't delve too technical in the matter, he did report that UAE does have their own Blackhawk and Apache helo support. Kudos were bestowed upon Jordan for their village-to-village security/peacekeeping initiative. Denmark, in Gen Toolans' eyes, is in the middle of a "very kinetic" Helmand Province. He said Helmand Province is viewed as the breadbasket of SW Asia.

Best kudos dealt were dealt to our Georgian allies: "Georgia owns battlespace" is how MajGen Toolan phrased it. Marine heavies don't talk like that unless they got a winning hand. MajGen Toolan also confirms the fact that the Georgians are rotating their battalions in conjunction with their USMC counterparts.

Things got interesting when MajGen Toolan delved into nation building and said we're the "home-team" and that the Talib shadow gov't is gone and has been for past 36 months. What is doing in our reconstruction efforts, according to General Toolan, is the diagnosis of an acute, predatory, and parasitic corruption that is inherent at any and all levels of their civil structure. Knowing this is something inherent, General Toolan likes the adviser/trainer model vice coordinated Afghan-ISAF policing in the civvie areas. He suggested also that the Afghan Local Police be culled and retrained in other needed areas of civil development. 

A Cozy Virtual Chat With Producer Scott Vaugh, Discussing "Act of Valor" at MilblogCon

Remember when Lisa and I went to see Act of Valor on the big screen? We got so hyped up, we decided to become SEALs, ourselves. We're still working on that. Meanwhile, the film's producer, Scott Waugh, appeared this past weekend at the annual Milblog Conference near Washington, D.C. My good friends at You Served told me I could post their vid of his talk. Give yourself a treat. Throw some popcorn in the micro; then settle in for a cozy virtual gab-fest with the talented Mr. Waugh. His adrenaline-pumping flick soon is coming to DVD and Blu-Ray (available June 5, all you Fathers Day shoppers). 

Okay, So Can We Stop Fixating So Much on Joseph Kony?

His top commander allegedly was captured.* I, for one, am breathing a sigh of relief.

*No word on whether the Old Mossback was involved in the operation.

Further Exploring the Notion of Working a Security Contract: More Info From Mossback

The Old Mossback sends more insider info on being an overseas security contractor working in Africa!

Says Mossy:

To all those who still think taking an overseas contract may be for them - They have to understand that things are done a little differently in some countries.

You think those gators shown on the History Channel are big? This is a real croc. Now try to pull this beast into a boat. Shoot it with a .22? It would only make this croc mad.

But your car, if you are lucky enough to get one, will most likely be safe. The car alarms are most effective.

However... do not, under any circumstance, wander unguarded into local waterways! Here is why...

More From Our C-in-C: The Stryker In the Middle Is Special

But... why? Any ideas? Hmmm?

Not Vietnam. Or.... is it?

Want to Be a Security Contractor Serving Abroad? Old Mossback Has the Scoop

A missive has arrived from Old Mossback!

As you all know, Mossy is embarked on the plush life of a private security contractor serving abroad. From time to time, he gets questions from aspiring young would-be contractors asking for career advice. 

Herewith, then, are inside tips from a veteran of multiple overseas security gigs.

Getting to the country where you will be working

When the company that employs you books the airline ticket to fly you to your new job site, remember this: As the picture shows, there may a reason you may not be happy with the reason why that ticket was such a bargain to your employer.

Living quarters

Expect only the unexpected when you are told the place the employer will provide for you has a great location.

More Fun With MRAPs, Via Our Commenter in Chief...

Picking up from the previous post...

Not Minicapt. I don't think.
Pics by our Commenter in Chief

Wait! There's more! After the jump.

Fun With MRAPs! In Which Our C-in-C Pitches in Whilst I Tend to Courtney

Our Littlest Reprobate continues to recuperate from shoulder surgery. She is doing well - thank you, everyone, for the good wishes! - but there is much still to do on the homefront. Our esteemed Commenter in Chief kindly offered to give me a blog break while I was otherwise occupied with stocking the ice machine, brewing toast, and generally making sure Courtney doesn't try to do handstands. Yet. Thank you, Bill!

Herewith some of the first blog-break-givers.

What, oh what, are these armored beasties and why do they look the way they do?

First beastie:

Next beastie - after the jump:

In Which Cuzzie Lois Celebrates Her Birthday!

My dear Cuzzie Lois celebrates her birth anniversary today - and so does ze blog! Happy birthday, cousin! I hope you have a good'un! Lois loves her Aussie Diggers as much as I love my treasured American troops. As a special treat, I thought maybe I would ask some Diggers to raise a toast and light the candles on her cake, and - Why, look! What's this? Some 'stralian and New Zealand lads are popping in to deliver gifts to their Faithful Fan! Now, that's what I call thoughtful! They have great taste in helicopters, too...

"Sssshhhh... we want to surprise her!"

Milspotters' Challenge: What is "The Army's Greatest Invention?"

This has been making the rounds in Facebook military / veteran circles, and has been getting so many responses I just had to "share" - on the blog.

Any ideas what this is and why it was christened "the Army's greatest invention?"

Hint: I carry one on my keychain. It's smaller than the key to my Jeep. That should help gauge the size.

Another hint: You could not carry this into a courthouse.

Stillanother hint: if you encountered a TSA chap or chapette of a certain age, you definitely could not bring it on board a plane.

Lastly: It still performs the use it was designed for lo those many years ago.

After-Action Report on the Mission to Fix Courtney's Shoulder

Before surgery...

Now for the AAR on Courtney's shoulder surgery: It went beautifully!

Her labrum now is reattached to her bone, and her ligaments are tightened up to the point of holding her shoulder in place.

She won't be able to dislocate her shoulder at will anymore, but that's a small price to pay for being able to use it.

Thank you, Dr. Novak! And welcome home, Courtney!

Of course, there is still the matter of recuperation and rehab. And pain. But we have that under control, for the most part...

...and after.

In Which Our Littlest Reprobate Gets a Shoulder Scar

Three scars, actually. Courtney will acquire the scars today as reward for going under the knife to get her shoulder fixed. She tore her labrum at gymnastics, and wants it back in good working order so as to continue doing bars. Wish her well, Dear Ones. She has an early morning call!

Stand back! Gymnast!

Test Your Squintiness: Which Side of the Wire Was Red China?

In honor of the Chinese defense minister's shocking entree visit to U.S. defense installations here on our soil, I present a China themed visual quiz. The photo below depicts the pre-Handover border between Hong Kong and mainland (read, communist) China.

Which side is which, and how can you tell? And, no, I will not reveal how this photo came to be in my possession.

You may commence squinting.

And in Other Happy News: The GTMO 9/11 Trials Are Expected to Last a While

So sayeth the Department of Defense:

NAVAL STATION GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba – Defense and prosecution teams said today they expect the trial of five alleged 9/11 co-conspirators to take many months or years.... 

No word on whether there will be mandatory wearing of hajibs, as per defense counsel Cheryl Bormann's request.

GTMO Lawyer Cheryl Bormann Channels Jane Fonda; Demands Imposition of Sharia Law

Sketch by courtroom artist Janet Hamlin.
 reviewed by the U.S. Department of Defense

It appears as if "Hanoi" Jane Fonda has been reincarnated while still alive.

During yesterday's arraignment of the accused September 11 aggressors, defense lawyer Cheryl Bormann, counsel for Walid bin Attash, pulled off a stunt so outrageous as to momentarily eclipse her client. Bormann, a blonde and blue eyed American, wore a hajib to court. But she didn't stop there. She also demanded that other women in the room be forced to follow suit. According to reporters who witnessed the bizarre proceedings, Bormann told the court that the Muslim defendants should be shielded from having to avert their eyes "for fear of committing a sin under their faith."

Let me make sure I understand this correctly. A U.S. government employee and officer of the court, who is sworn to uphold the Constitution, wants an American judge to force American women to adhere to religious edicts imposed by foreign criminal defendants. Adding irony to outrage, it must be noted that these defendants are on trial after allegedly using religion as an excuse for staging a deadly attack on U.S. soil. Furthermore, the defendants - who adhere to fundamental Islamic principles and thereby must not glimpse so much as a female ankle unless it "belongs" to them - are okay working with a female attorney.

Got it. I understand.

At least Cheryl Bormann has managed to divert public rage from being directed against her clients, and has drawn it onto her self.

How do you say, "I'm proud I went to North Vietnam!" in Arabic? Oh, wait. That was in her previous life.