Old Mossback's "The Adventures of Polly Grief," Episode 4: The Price to Command a Sub

Dramatization. Not an actual sub connected to Polly Grief.
All references to persons both living and animated are purely the work
of Old Mossback's warped sense of humor, resulting from years of
deployments as a contractor not affiliated with Disney.

Old Mossback continues The Adventures of Polly Grief....

Episode 4

The early AM in Orlando saw a lime green 1970 American Motors AMX speeding towards the Disneyworld non-executive (grunt) employee parking lot. Captain Polly Grief USN (retired) was at the wheel, and running late to her new assignment at Disneyworld. 

Polly had been pulled off of Goofy duty after slapping down a punk who tried to attack her while she was in costume. Although she was hailed by her peers as a hero, Polly no longer was on the Goofy Roster. 

Her new assignment was with the apprentice program to operate and command the "Looking for Nemo" submarine. If she made the cut, it was considered a plumb assignment. The sub operator was in a climate controled post during his or her entire work shift. Please note almost all the salaries at the Disney parks stink, and so the employees look for jobs that are comfortable when on shift.

Making it just in time at the Disney training center, Polly joined her classmates in the submarine training class. At Team Rodent (Disney), all the plumb assignments have a long apprenticeship program, in order to fill the less desirable job slots. To get command of a Nemo sub, a person - no matter male or female - had to do time as a mermaid. As per the rules, then, Polly and the other candidates were taken to the makeup and costume center, and were fitted for and issued their mermaid tails and costume props. 

By the time Polly entered the program, the college kids had returned to school, and the Nemo sub ride pool was full of middle aged-plus mermaids. To the reader of this story, it may seem impossible to pass off Polly as a mermaid; but that is why Disney is called the magic kingdom. Using a blond wig that went down to her waist, along with a large tail, a bathing suit top in the shape of oyster shells, and lots of waterproof makeup, Disney transformed Polly Grief into a mermaid. It is true that Polly the mermaid would never make the cut for a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, but she at least would not scare the fish out of the water.

The mermaids candidates sat on the dock for an explanation of the rules: 

 

1) No obscene gestures to the guests, no matter what the guests do or say. Disney does not like it when one of its mermaids is seen giving the finger to people.

 

2) No smoke breaks on the hull of the sub. It looks very unmermaid like.

 

3) All mermaids will wear a bathing suit bottom under the tail just in case the tail comes off. There havw been some unfortunate incidents in the past.

 

4) Don't do anything to create bubbles for guests to see during the show.

 

Now it was time for the mermaids to enter the water. All of the Disney mermaids had to adjust to the difficulty of controlling the costume tail. Most of the candidates did figure it out, and those who did not were shipped off the compound for reassignment. The dreaded and feared Mickey on Parade post was a good incentive for the mermaid candidates to work hard to make the cut.

There was a shortage of mermaids, and as a result, the training was cut short. Polly pulled the first shift later that afternoon.

The shift went well. All she had to do was wait for the sub to turn the corner, take a deep breath, dive, swim past the port holes and wave. Two hours later, Polly was fine but tired, as the hoist to haul her out of the water swung out to collect her.

That is when it happened. The harness slipped, turning Polly around and then upside down. As a result, she was hauled in to the dock as if she were a prize marlin. The Disney staff on the dock remarked to no one in particular, "got another dead one, get it out of water before it rots."

Polly understood: The price to command a Disney sub was going to be high.

[To be continued...]