The Old Mossback now gives his insights on where best to be in case of Zombie attack. Not surprisingly, our expert recommends Florida. Carry on, Mossy...
If Tom Cruise Didn't Scare Them, Nothing Will
At this time we are one week into the Zombie outbreak. You can expect the following. The communication and Internet infrastructure will be strained, but still functioning. The National Guard has been activated nationwide. And most if not all military assets overseas have been ordered back to the States.
This is why I believe Florida will be the place to be in case of Zombie attack.
Florida is surrounded by water on three sides, and its interstate highway systems go both North and West. Coco Beach has the largest runway in the world, and many other large Florida airports support one another. Last but not least, there are the deep water ports on both the East and Gulf coasts. This is why I believe the counter attack to rid the nation of the Zombies will come from Florida.
This all came to me as I evaluated the one joint I had rolled.
It all seemed so simple as I smoked that joint; and I even developed a plan for the future. I would continue on to the Gulf and head towards Tampa. The fuel I had on hand would not be enough to get me there, but by using the current and tides and selective drifting - plus a little luck - I should make it to Clearwater.
Why did I select Clearwater?
1) Remember the dream I had in the swamp? Clearwater is the home of Hooters. While smoking the joint, I saw the dream as an omen.
2) Clearwater is the international headquarters of Scientology. Therefore, the local people will not be shocked when the Zombies arrive. After dealing with Tom Cruise and the his crowd, the people of Clearwater no longer can be shocked by anything, and that includes Zombies.
3) The Fort Harrison Hotel was where Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones wrote, "I can't get no satisfaction." That has not a thing to do with the Zombies, but seeing the Fort Harrison hotel is on my bucket list.
I will admit the reasons above are a little shaky; but, as I wrote earlier, it was a good joint.