"There I Was, Dodging the Zombies;" The 3rd Installment in Old Mossback's Escape Tutorial

Home sweet home!

Old Mossback so far has supplied two installments in his tutorial on how to survive a Zombie attack. Until now, he has given practical, future-oriented advice.

For today's installment, Mossback slips into a  time warp, and channels a future memory. Here, he will show through the image of his own future-remembered experience how you should proceed when Zombies come to call. 

Take it away, Mossy....

There I was, escaping the Zombies...

Just off the Florida Interstate I came upon a bus. As I made a cautious approach, there appeared to be six Zombies beating on that bus trying to get inside. I could hear the screams of people inside the bus.

There are rules and then there are rules. I decided I would intervene.

Taking out my Ruger 10/22, I dispatched all six Zombies.* 

The bus turned out to be full of Hooter girls on their way to Clearwater Florida on their trek to pay homage to the first Hooter restaurant that was ever built and that has become sort of a Florida hajj, one could say. The bus driver abandoned the vehicle when he first heard of the Zombie outbreak. The grateful Hooter girls made me their lord and master and promised to serve me. That was when I was awakened by a Florida swamp raccoon licking on my face.

The night in the swamp was not all that restful. I would have to find a better place for shelter. In such a situation, a person travelling alone must take full advantage of terrain and Zombie weak points. Of course we all think of bunkers and pill boxes when fighting off a Zombie horde, but that will not be the case. Constant combat will result only in exhaustion of ammunition. The means to survival will be to hide and run, and to fight only as a last resort.

In the morning I checked my supplies and the camp area. I noticed that during the night several Zombies attempted to cross the mud flats and were stuck in the mud. There was no need to waste ammunition, as there is always the risk of drawing more Zombies by the sound of gunfire, and the gators will take care of any Zombies stuck in that swamp.

After a brief breakfast, I tuned on my survival hand-crank powered radio. There were the typical reassurances from the political hacks, notices of what to do and not to do, and the public was told not to worry now that Paris Hilton, Snookie and all the Kardashians have been rescued and moved to a safe undisclosed location. 

On the road again I came upon a large swamp hut. I saw people inside. In Florida there still are people that never in their lives ate store bought meat or fish, and I sensed that some of them were in this house.Maybe it would be a good time to trade information. 

This can be a tricky process when dealing with deep-swamp people, and this is when using a bicycle shows its advantages. A lone person on a bicycle is seen as a far less threat than someone in a car. Nevertheless, the swamp people stayed at a distance, ever watchful as I approached. 

After I arrived, we first had to breaking down the barriers. Soon we began to haggle and trade. I worked the following trades.

1) Five pounds of grilled gator tail..............   10 rounds of .40 SW

2) Refill of bicycle water jugs.........................  1 round of 9MM

3) Swamp cabbage.........................................2 rounds of .357 Mag.

Then I politely went on my way. When I departed, I used one of Stonewall Jackson's old tricks for dealing with unknown locals during the Civil War. You ask directions to a place that you are sure that you are not going to. If the people you are dealing with have ideas of betrayal, then  what they learned from you is worthless.

On the road again I needed to find rest and shelter. I did not want to risk another night in the open. What to do?

That was when I saw a small enclosed boat, up on the bank. It was perfect for my needs. It also helped exploit weakness in Zombies, in order to aid my survival. The Zombie cannot swim. It can walk on the bottom and come out the other side if it does not get stuck, but if you are in a boat that is in water more then 10' deep, you're in good shape. No matter how many Zombies are on the bottom of a river or lake, there is no way the Zombies can get at you. A boat, then, is far better then a land wall or bunker for protection. It offers maximum protection with a minimum consumption of assets.

The boat appeared to be in fair condition. So I loaded the bike, trailer, and survival gear onto the boat and pushed off into deeper water. 

That evening while listening to the radio I feasted on grilled gator tail and swamp cabbage. The Zombie outbreak was still in the early stages and it was too soon to tell if the local, state, or federal security forces would be able to contain the outbreak. I only could think about myself. That is the main thing for a person alone to do: stay focused and alive. 

* Note: Many so-called Zombie experts have written that the .22 rimfire has shortcomings when dealing with Zombies. I disagree. The .22 rimfire at less then 50 meters will take out a Zombie. When considering all shots from .458 Winchester Magnum down to .22 rimfire, only head shots count. The debate of knockdown power is a moot point, then. Only a head shot counts when dealing with a Zombie.